Friends vs. relationships

As part of a project that Bella is doing, I recently examined my soul a bit deeper than I planned on during spring fever and spring cleaning. In fact, her questions sent me spiraling into a reflection of sorts. You'll see those play out on her blog sometime soon ... but for now I'm continuing my quest to figure out where I've been and where I'm going.

Since I wrote previous posts about the intense isolation I have experienced during motherhood (see here, here and here), I have come to terms with a number of things regarding the topic of relationships and friends.

I'm not sure that most new moms were left alone as much as I was -- and still am. I think most have their moms around more at least in that first year.

Regardless, I was alone way more than any new mom should be, especially with two crying babies. And, I'm still very much alone all week, but I do not feel as alone anymore and that is a big difference to me.

The reason is simple. You see, back in December when I took a couple weeks off from blogging I was sincerely worried about my life and how pathetic it seemed because I lacked flesh and blood visitors and friends. I did have one great friend, but I felt like I needed a bigger circle of friends, much like my single life included.

What I haven't mentioned is that soon after that, I went to the local library, and met another mom who just happened to be the head of a local moms group. She invited me out that very night for a moms night out. Desperate for friendships, I went and was instantly hooked.

I've joined moms groups hastily before so I wanted to move slowly into this one. In fact, truth be told, I haven't yet joined, but only because I'm lazy and unorganized not because I'm afraid.

These women were exactly what I had been missing in the first two years of motherhood. They are over-achieving mothers just like me, career-driven, smart, young and completely, utterly and totally laid-back.

And, 100 percent supportive.

They do not carry fancy bags, but rather talk about science and philosophy and writing as if it's second-nature. None of us dress nicely, and we can always be found down on the floor with our kids. If these women own cell phones, I have yet to see them using one. If they gossip, they do it well because despite being the second newest member, I've never seen them sitting in a clique, not even at Gymboree, not even after two months.

And, since I'm the only member with twins, I'm a bit of a lucky girl. They help me out -- a lot. I'm always outnumbered and they always jump in to help, whether it's spotting one of my girls on a piece of equipment or helping them upstairs. They don't ask; they just do. Those are my kind of friends. They just happen to be moms, too, and like me they put that first in their life.

What's great is that there is something to do with them every week. Every week, we have plans even if it's a simple gathering at a park.

Now, do I tell them I'm a blogger or not? What about you? Do you have a moms group or a supportive group of moms? Tell me about them. Do they know that you blog?


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