One flurry; two storms

It's hard to believe that Jadyn and Liana will turn 2 this Friday. I'm truly just settling into Age 1 and now I must prepare for the next storm of growth and development.

Before church this morning, we walked along one of my favorite trails at a local college. Bordered by Weeping Willows, this path follows a quaint little creek. I love it because it's serene but in the middle of an urban area. In other words, we can get a dose of nature without traveling far from home.

In my heels, ready for church, I walked as my daughters ran. Breeze whipped through their hair as the sunlight hit those strands just right. Smiles were everywhere on their faces.

They still toddle when they run. Their feet sway out to the sides as if they aren't bending their knees very far. I still think it's one of the most adorable things they do -- of course, it's always when they are running free and wild and crazy. Times like those I'm hardly needed. Times like those are so very rare as they have both become clingy and attached at all hours of the day and night.

After church service, someone asked us, "So, is it getting any easier?"

The short answer is that it has in a way, but in many ways it's still very hard. It's hard to get up each day knowing that at at least one point in the day two babies are going to want to be held and cuddled and that one will, ultimately, have to be put on hold or told not right now.

My answer to the question, though, is very true.

We're stronger. We have survived. And it has been the hardest, yet most thrilling two years of our lives.

On Saturday, we will celebrate this highest achievement of reaching Age 2.

Cupcake, anyone?

Thank you for visiting today.

Did you like this blog post? Please consider subscribing here:

Subscribe in a reader

Perfection. Possible or not?

One can only imagine what Zen Priest Momma Zen would say about the issue of perfection. I'm sure she's addressed it. I'm know she's struggled with it herself as a mother to Georgia.

We all strive for it, even if the results are far, far away from being perfect.

What she would say to this post is you are what you are. Today is your best day. This is the year that was. All of her sound bites ring in my ears as I try and convince my girls to eat dinner, when I can't calm their incessant tantrums or bring peace over the precious wanted toy they are fighting over, and after I've lost my lid and, gulp, yelled and feel like I've just ruined their lives.

Last week was one of those weeks when the best I could do was get up in the morning and force a smile. Each day stacked up on top of each day and each was worse than the rest. If misery loves company I can't understand why we were so alone all week.

But, something beautiful happened (as it always does in Shawn's World) mid week: I read a blog post that affected me like I've never been affected. It spoke to me with special murmurs that only someone who truly understands the trenches of motherhood and life could. It gave me permission to let go of the countless worries that had begun consuming my mind, again.

The post grabbed my hand, led me in and offered the biggest, warmest hug I've gotten since being a mother. And I cried as each word passed my eyes. The more I read, the harder I cried.

And then it was over. Just like that. And so were the tears. So were the fits of rage. So were the can'ts, the don'ts, the doubts, and the millions of mistakes. I was more patient with myself afterwards. I was more patient with my miserable, cranky girls. I was more patient with my life.

I thought it was just me being some crazy blogging chick, again, but as I read my way around my corner of the blogosphere, I realized that others had been touched, too. They were printing it out -- as I had. They were moved beyond words and brought comfort by the steaming cupful.

To reach people in such a way, to me, is perfection. For a post to bring ME to tears means something extraordinary because I do not let them fall easily.

And, that is why I am awarding Karen with a perfect post award for her post The Parent's Little List of Trust. More of these awards can be read by visiting Lindsay and Kimberly. This is my first time participating.

It seems like yesterday when I Googled Karen's name in search of other moms who had read her book. Little did I know that I would find her. That we would connect in this vast world of words and images and emotions. That she would become a dear blogging friend. And, for that, I am so thankful.




Thank you for visiting today.

Did you like this blog post? Please consider subscribing here:

Subscribe in a reader

Winterizing for toddlers

Fall is definitely here, despite some oddly warm temperatures, again.

And all the moms and dads who are at home full-time that I know are starting to worry about what it will be like stuck at home in the winter with energetic toddlers.

I, personally, love rainy days that force me to stay inside instead of venturing into the great outdoors – now and then.

Still, a part of me is wondering what the heck we will do with all of our time, especially now that my girls only sleep once a day.

But, fear not, because I have plenty of indoor activities for toddlers on my brain. I checked out a couple books from the library. I’m gathering craft materials, reading blog posts and collecting ideas. And, just like I used to do when I first started this blog, I'll report on how well they went. Or, not.

I’ve cleaned out the storage room next to my office and created a second play and craft room so that I might be able to get a few words typed each day.

Basically, I’m digesting all the information I can to be ready for our great hibernation.

I’m looking forward to the challenge.

But, when spring arrives, I’ll be ready to dive into many, many, many hours outside.

Mamablogga had a great post on this topic a while back. And, on my other blog -- the one none of you know about -- I talk about this topic a lot. (And, if you want access to that "other" blog of mine, send me an email and I'll send you the link.)

How about we share a few more ideas here in the comments section?

Cat call memo circulating. Did you get it?

Dear Jadyn and Liana,

I might as well tell you now that as a woman you will have to get used to certain things. One of those things is feeling like a piece of meat, feeling like eyes are on your bodies at all times.

From the time I went through puberty, I've experienced more than my share of cat calls, whistles and comments. I could blame it on my voluptuousness, but I have a feeling that it has more to do with desperate men needing to express themselves. Why women don't shout out at hot guys when they get the urge is beyond me. Do we not possess that Call of the Wild mentality?

Because we live in a small, poor community, even I, your prized candidate for What Not to Wear, get comments like, "Hey, you're pretty" from a passerby (who's been smoking a little too much of something, clearly). I feel embarrassed for the men who shout these things. It's like they didn't get the memo (aka graffiti down the street) that this kind of treatment of women isn't proper anymore, that women don't really buy this kind of sexist attention. That studies show that 9 out of 10 men who cat call end up going home alone and eating bon bons while watching that show, Desperate Perverts.

I've never dated a guy who yelled at me from across Main Street or winked at me from a drug-induced daze. Heck, I've never even dated somebody I didn't have at least one all-night conversation with.

But, I digress. I need to tell you about today's stranger we know and how he fits into my lesson for you about being walking prey.

There's a guy I kindly refer to as Mr. Gross. He's unsightly, he's dirty and he's eager to flirt with any woman with legs (or not). He's commonly greeted me with "Hey sexy" or "Hey pretty Mama." I kindly try to avoid him like the plague.

We encountered Mr. Gross today while walking just before lunch. I was guarded as we walked together despite my every effort to stop at least three times to find out what is wrong with your mouth Jadyn (nothing) -- hoping that he had some place to be and would just keep walking. No such luck.

"Everything OK?" he asked.

He lingered, he stalled, he waited. He gripped the can in the brown paper bag he was holding in his right hand.

I had no choice but to indulge the conversation. Little did I know that I would stumble upon a blog post while walking the span of just one block.

I smiled as I do with all the strangers we know and said all was just fine.
"You've got your hands full," he said.
"Yeah," I nod, not making eye contact.
"They both yours?"
"Yes, they're mine."
"What's their age difference?" he asked, pointing between them.
"Um, their twins."
"Oh, oh, yeah, right."
"Boys?"
"Um, no, girls," I said, glancing at their pink and yellow shirts.
"Oh, my bad, my bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"You dress them alike?
"No, just similarly."
"Oh, right ... I see. One's wearing gray. One black."
"So, um, what were they born like a week apart?"
"Um, no, same day."
"Oh, right."
"So, they're what, two weeks, no, I mean, two months, no, wait, yeah, two months?"
"They're almost 2 years old," I said, staring him in the eyes.

Then he began telling me a delightful, slurred story about someone he knows with twin boys with blonde hair who are also 2 and ...

Then we came to an intersection in our conversation and I was able to, oops this is our turn, cross the street with intention, even though it was intentionally a half block sooner than I normally would have turned.

He walked on, glancing back and glancing back some more.

You see, girls, he was harmless. Annoying, yes. Not very smart, yes. Drunk, yes.

But harmless.

Perhaps I've been wrong about Mr. Gross. Perhaps he did get the memo after all.

The eye of the storm

I had to travel a couple hundred miles, see and feel the ocean, and relive a bit of nostalgia to be able to come to terms with my inner demons, the ones that had taken over my soul.
You know, things like, where am I going, what are we doing, where will we live, how will we afford anything, will life always be this hard?
On Day Two of Twisterville, I decided that I couldn't really relax. I didn't know how anymore.
So, I set out for my cup of coffee, picked up some donuts for The Da! and then planted myself in the sand, staring at the ocean for 15 minutes.
I would have sat on a towel, but the Hurricanes cried as I left and so going back for a towel seemed a bit cruel.
With nothing but my bare legs, I planted them down in the freshly raked sand and prayed to the ocean.
Heal me, I told it.
Consume me.
Take these fears away.
Cleanse me.
Hold me.
Hide me.
Even as I sat there, still unsettled because directly behind me my little girls were fluttering about on the balcony -- I couldn't sink into it.
But, I was still, and I listened for the ocean's response.
It spit in my face.
Not once. Not twice. But, three times. She thrust her mist several feet onto my cheeks and nose and lips.
I couldn't help but laugh.
Since my legs were crusted into the sand, and now falling asleep, I stood up, and bowed to the vast body of water that has held me and nourished me my entire life.
Then, I breathed deep, picked up my bag heavy with donuts, sippy cups and apples, and walked back into the eye of the storm.

****

I've struggled long and hard with trying to put a finger on what it means to be a mother of twins. I mean, what it really feels like.
Of course, I could talk all about the little things that annoy me, such as having to load two unruly toddlers into one cart just to push them half way across the parking lot just to find a second cart that actually holds two babies. Things like that.
Those are things that just make up our life. We don't really know anything else.
But, if you are a mother of twins, or higher-order multiples, than you know what I mean by not being able to properly explain to people what life is really like.
How do you explain the beautiful chaos? At the end of the day, exhaustion is not even the right word.
But, why? Why is it this way? Would I feel this way if I had only one child?
I think I figured it out standing on the beach, in the whirl wind of Liana's desire to only walk and run away, and Jadyn's desire to only face those waves, no matter how big and strong they were compared to her little body.
It's not that twins are double trouble or twice the work, even though they are.
It's the energy -- insurmountable, constant, thrilling, chaotic energy. There is no down time. There is no sitting quietly, just me and my baby. There is plenty of pushing and shoving to get on my lap, there's a lot of tugging and pulling over which books I will read, but there are very few moments of just snuggling quiet time.
It's the difference between an intimate dinner for two, and the loud, thumping dance party going on down the hall.
It's the difference between a romantic date in a fine restaurant, and a double date to the ballpark. Everything is bigger, brighter, louder and more exhilarating with two babies.
I know because now and then, for just a moment, I experience being in charge of just one toddler.
This happened on Day Two of the beach. Hurricane Liana and I wandered freely around while waiting for her sister and father to return. My worries melted away. Just one baby to worry about right this second. The energy they use to constantly feed off each other, mimic each other and watch for each other was gone.
It was not physically easier, but my mind was allowed to rest a little. I could sip my coffee while keeping an eye on her. I didn't have to keep one eye on her, and the other on her sister. I could just be with her.
I'm not saying that I don't enjoy the multi-tasking required of raising twins because I do, immensely.
But, it was nice to finally understand why I'm so tired, why I'm so rundown, why I desperately need to take care of myself.
I guess I had to travel a couple hundred miles away to figure that out, too.

Moments in time

Dear Jadyn and Liana,

Perfection is not something I strive for. It's more that I aim for satisfaction, contentment or peace, like a river on a calm, windless day. There are waves, yes, but they are small, relatively unnoticed as we float up and down on the current.

Our days go so fast now. I still take notice around 3 p.m. that I have another three hours to go on my own, but we're so busy I don't have time to count down after that.

We've had some glowing, amazing moments lately. Soon you will turn 19 months. It's no wonder. I just brought myself to tears looking back at some of your baby pictures. BABY pictures. You have turned into little girls. Silly, giggling, energetic girls.

I write less letters, and take less pictures these days, I know. It's not because I don't want to write, it's because what we've been experiencing lately is indescribable.

For example, yesterday at breakfast (or lunch or dinner) this is what happened:

We started out eating our meal. Jadyn, who is starving, ate well. Liana, who is either too hungry to not hungry at all, takes a few bites and then closes her eyes, grabs her bib, yanks it off and starts sobbing with her mouth wide open. Eyes still closed, little to no tears fall down her cheeks. As soon as I take her plate and tray away, she cries more to get out of the chair. Once down, she's fine.

Jadyn, you usually just eat through your sister's dramatics. When you are done, though, you yank off your bib as well, which sometimes results in carrots hitting my face as you pull it out from between your belly and the tray.

But, it's not all crying. Well, mostly it is these days. It's a lot like the first year, too, because I rarely understand what the cries are for anymore.

The two of you played a fun game of tug o' war, with an exercise mat. It was all fun and games until Liana lost her grip, the mat fell to the floor and Jadyn sat on it. Angry Liana lost it -- collapsed on the floor, and sobbed. Jadyn, clearly doing this passive act to annoy your sister, gets up, and the game resumes. Until ... Liana loses her grip again, Jadyn sits, Liana collapses, etc. This went on for several more times before I had to intervene and take the mat away.

But, later, after dinner when we have begun dancing and music time, you both did something that nearly sent me shouting down the street.

You held hands and acted out Ring Around the Rosie. To see you both holding hands, and working together in such a special way as little girls, truly sent my heart spinning.

It was also nice that I could just sit back and watch something fun happen for once.

Our days are so full of ups and downs right now. When one of us is up, surely another one will bring us down. Sometimes it's me. Sometimes it's you. Often, it's a toy or something that isn't a toy but you think it should be, like DVDs, tissues or the CD player.

When we're really lucky, all three of us are high as a kite silly, dancing around, making silly noises, experiencing pure bliss.

And, those moments are perfect.

Hacks for POMs (Parents of multiples)

There are many challenges facing parents who are raising multiples, whether it be two or six. I must admit, many of those challenges made me cry. But, now that we're at a pretty fun, interesting age in our house, I look forward to finding new ways to step over and stomp on those challenges.

One of the biggest challenge we face right now is movement. Well, now that I think about it, movement has always been an obstacle. In the early days, I was too overwhelmed and too sleep deprived to be creative. The idea of lugging both infant carriers around was too much. Then they outgrew those and were still too limp to be carried at the same time, which is how we get places now. You should see my biceps.

My twins have been walking now for four months and are great walkers and are even running a bit now, too. Life is a breeze in comparison to the bottles and non-walking days.

But, this doesn't mean we haven't had our challenges. But, since they sleep through the night, and I'm pretty refreshed each morning, I have come up with some parent hacks to share with other POMs, should the need arise.

Hack No. 1

Climbing stairs with toddler multiples

This is not a simple feat. Spotting one child, alone, can be daunting. Spotting two who like to stop, turn around, try and grab wallpaper or the railing is enough to make the heart stop, twice. And, usually, in the middle of our Great Daily Climb, one or the other quits for whatever reason. So then I'm left carrying a baby, while spotting another. Save for a few slips, we haven't encountered a baby avalanche, yet. That could be because early in the game, I discovered that if I threw something to the top of the stairs that they really wanted, they would climb steadfastly to get it. Of course, once at the top, grabbing said item can be tricky, and that's when I toss it far away from the stairs so they have to get to safety without hesitation.

Hack No. 2

Getting to the car

I'm sure there are plenty of POMs who have garages attached to their home, which would make for a fairly easy trip to their family vehicle. This would not be us. We have a short walk through the yard and into our parking lot. Along the way is rose bushes, gardens filled with mulch, strands of grass, ants, and other great toddler distractions. Just when we think we are reaching the gate, both bolt in two different directions. At least they did, until I realized I had a little more power than I thought, even if they are only 17 months old. So, when we really need to get to the car, we hold hands and march. March, two, three, four. March, two, three, four. They love the motion of us all walking together and they have some control in being able to pick up their little meaty legs and pound them down on the walkway. In just seconds, they forget all about those pesky blades of grass they would have stopped to grab.

Hack No. 3

Getting in and out of vehicle in busy parking lots

This, I have to admit, is a new hack for me. Now that they are increasingly better walkers, they still aren't old enough to understand to stay put. This is where our very cute teddy bear backpacks/leashes come in handy. While I remove one baby or return her to her car seat, I can keep my foot on the other's leash. She could try to run away, but this method would stop her before she even takes a step. Granted, two or more babies in busy parking areas is not ideal in any situation, but sometimes putting both into the stroller is just not convenient, like for a quick doctor's appointment. Besides, they have to learn to walk on their own eventually.

IMG_2280, originally uploaded by sllydr.

Girl fight!

Yes, dear readers, my precious little girls fight. Here is living proof of that, and some team work as well. This is a video entry into the Multiple Mom Movie Madness contest going on over at The Twinkies.

I hope this works!

Twins in the news

Both times that I heard about the 60-year-old woman who this week gave birth to twins, I was crashed on the couch. Seriously. Not an hour goes by that I don't wish I had more energy. I wish I could keep up better, not just with you girls, but with housework and my fitness level. I wish I looked better. I wish I felt better. I wish I had time to do yoga.

And, I'm about 30 years younger than this woman. Of course, if she's in absolute great shape, perhaps she will have an easier time of it. Perhaps.

I do know that after my Cesarean, I refused ALL visitors and the idea of dressing up and participating in a television interview was the last thing on my mind. I was consumed not just those first few days, but the entire first year with my two glorious, amazing babies.

"It's wonderful," this mother said this morning on the Today show.

She's not even out of a wheel chair and she's saying it's wonderful. And, who's watching the babies while she's spending time on television?

Talk to me in three months when you've had nothing more than three-hour sleep intervals. Talk to me in a year when they are toddling in different directions.

I hope she has a gazillion more energy and stamina than I, because she will need it. Perhaps she'll have some helping hands to give her a 10 minute break now and then, though. Something I only dream about.

For more twin parents' opinions on this matter, go here.

Look, it's a bird, a plane, a scary experience!

Girls,

Mama's got a big boo-boo on her heart after last night's bath experience.

Once, not long ago, I read this great tip that said parents of a toddler hung a poster or piece of art over their bathtub. The idea being that when it was time to rinse the babe's head of soapy shampoo, the parent could say, "Hey, look at Elmo," or whatever the picture is, baby would look up, avoiding water in the face.

I thought that was a great idea. But, that would require so many things like getting a poster, finding a ladder tall enough to reach the ceiling in our very small bathroom and, well, taking a break from my real job, which is caring for you -- the Uber Twins.

So, last night, when The Da! called saying he was running about a half hour behind, I was doomed to giving the bath on my own. No poster or anything. I've been helping gather the two of you into the bathroom, but then leaving, as you know, so that your Da! has some responsibility, I mean quality time.

When your heads of hair were so soapy that I could get them to stand up in great little Mohawks, I began worrying about the soap/water hitting your precious faces. I know you do not like that. I hate making your face wet. I know it doesn't hurt, but you both stand up, cling to me like wet noodles and try to climb out of the tub -- at once. I don't like that so much.

So, right after a few good swigs of warm bath water, but right before play time with your squirt toys, I had what might be my Worst Mother of the Year moment.

Pointing to the ceiling, I said, "There's a bird." It's not quite a poster, but I know you love to watch birds. And, truthfully, our butt-ugly wallpaper -- a legacy of our home's pear tree-loving previous owner -- does have birds on it. And it does climb up to the ceiling. But, you might not have seen those small white birds, though. I know you didn't. How could you? You were just enjoying splashing around in a bath.

Because after looking up long enough for me to dump some water over your tilted heads, searching the blank ceiling innocently for a bird, you both ended up screaming in terror at the idea of birds being in your bathroom.

I signed, "All gone." You still cried, real tears, in fear.
I said, "No bird. No bird. No bird." You still cried, and clinged, and tried to climb out. At once. All while looking around for some scary bird flying above your warm bath water.

It wasn't until you were both out of the tub, on the floor, snuggled in towels that you started to calm down. And then, it was only because I had pointed out your little scraped knees.

"Look, it's your boo-boo."

Now, I'm on the hunt for the perfect poster to hang on the ceiling. And, I think it's definitely time for the bird wallpaper to go. Clearly, it will be my Yellow Wallpaper from here on out.

I'm truly sorry, girls!

No bird.
No bird.
No bird.

Life is zipping by Part II

Here is the first post I wrote, back when being a Mama was still profound for me every single day because at that time, when you were just a year, it seemed every single week you changed before me eyes.

Life still zips by, but at a much slower pace now. I have more time to reflect in a day that you now know certain buttons to push to get me up off my fat butt, or give you my big Bug Eyes "don't you dare" touch that look.

I like how you, J, will put your hand close to the electric cord to the entertainment system and then, whimper softly my way, "Uh. Uh. Uh." You never touch it. You might glance at it. But, mostly, you want me to tell you, "No, touch." That's the fun part, isn't it? Seeing me worried, seeing me concerned. Seeing me pounce to save you.

I like how you, L, will not just grab my papers with one hand, but when I push that one paw away you will swing with both arms flailing about until you grab something, anything at all and destroy it with one impeccable crush of your tiny fist. Your strength is amazing. I love how when you do this you have the biggest smile on your face, like this is all you live for, to crush my writing to death, to kill it fiercely, to make it unreadable.

I am in awe of all that you both understand, and all of the orders you follow. Stand on one foot. Bounce like a frog. Show me your smile. Where's your knee. Pat your head. Rub your belly. Walk in circles. Go backwards. Crawl like a baby. Grab that basket of laundry and take it upstairs ... nah, just kidding.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by your immense curiosity, that of course, has me spinning in a day. No touch in the kitchen to you, J, while L starts grabbing anything she can off the dining room table. No touch in the living room, while J starts hitting all the buttons on the remote. Room to room, object to object, proof of my child non-proofing spilled all over the floors. My kitchen utensils. All the wash cloths, all the plastic wear, toys, more toys, socks, shoes, and before I know it it's another meal time and you're crying and I'm wondering what the hell I've just been doing for an hour that I now have to rush to fix you something to eat.

Only for you to toss it over your shoulder, rub it through your hair and wrinkle your nose. Again.

And that was just this morning.

Inspiration Wednesday

I'm feeling scattered, like my brain is a bucket of shapes that are never in the sorter. Too many ideas are floating around in my head. Too many thoughts are crowding the organizational stream of brain waves.

So, I want to give you some things to think about.

T-shirt sayings I love: This is a MUST for moms with twin toddlers. I mean, what better way to describe how we feel like collapsing at the end of a day of just being a mom? Plus, check out Wendy's tips ... these are fresh and new ideas.

Food toddlers love: Can you say Quesadillas? Yeah, see recipe below. Perfect toddler fare. This perfect food can be made in various ways, just look at this one!

Inspiration. Period: Raising Small Souls. This video has been going around and around, but it's worth viewing over and over. And, if you haven't seen it before, thank me later. Be sure to click on the purple box, "Animal School."

My version of Quesadillas is super simple and healthy. I use whole wheat flour tortillas, organic refried black beans and taco seasoned shredded cheese. I have a quesadilla maker, but find that spraying a skillet with spray and cooking it that way turns out better, especially for my tots. J&L love them and if they like them a lot, your children will, too.

Do you have any version of quesadillas to share? A T-shirt saying you'd like to wear today? Or, some inspiration for this lovely Wednesday?

T-shirt sayings

I do not profess to be just a mother of twins. After all, I am just a mother.

However, now and then, like when I'm spotting two toddlers going up the stairs, or trying to make one walk, while keeping the other one from knocking down a store display, or when I'm trying to keep one starving baby at bay while the other one wants nothing to do with food ... I have to think about this T-Shirt.

And, when I'm walking, and the fourth person in that hour asks, if my girls are twins, I really want to have this T-shirt on.

But, more often than not, I would like to wear this T-shirt.

What would your T-shirt read today?

I AM a good, Mama! I am!

Dear girls,

A bizarre request has popped up at Girl's Gone Child and I can't help but to participate and send all of our readers to some of the great posts that are included in Rebecca's list.

I read Rebecca's blog often, but not as frequently as I should. She is a gal who will tell it like it is and there aren't enough of us out there in the world.

But, this request is for Moms everywhere to proclaim their greatness, instead of their weaknesses.

This brings me to a story I've wanted to tell you for some time now. About your first year. About how difficult it was for me. Sleep deprivation is a real mood killer. Two crying babies, another downer. I will not ever lie, it was dreadful.

But, recently, I looked back at the photos. I took so many. And, I realized that we did have lots of great moments that year. You were smiling. There are even some photographs of me smiling.

That's when I realized that I not only survived it, but I think I did the best I could do. When you were still waking a couple times a night at 6, 8, 10 months, I didn't let you cry just so I could get some sleep. (Neither did The Da!)

When you refused bottle after bottle because of reflux, or whatever, I didn't just let you suffer. We propped you up for 30 minutes after every feeding until you were 7 months old, we gave you medicine to ease the pain, we fed you more often than average to help keep the liquid light on your tummy. All of this meant less sleep, less downtime.

I read books to you even though you couldn't have cared less.

I held you as much as possible, even though that's really hard to do when you are by yourself with two babies.

I could go on and on saying how great of a mother I was that first year despite the challenges. But, I think we all know that the real issue is now and I think I'm excelling at being your mom now.

When you throw a fit, instead of ignoring you, I hug you. Instead of deciding which of you is at fault in a daily squabble, I make sure you both know that that kind of treatment of each other will not be tolerated. We are always doing new activities, and playing hard with toys or non-toys.

Being a Mama is not easy. It's very hard work. But, I'm good at it and I think it is exactly what I was meant to be.

So, thank you, girls, for bringing me to my full potential.

Check it, ladies!

So, the other day, in an egomaniacal moment, I wanted to see if any Google searches would lead to my blog. Yeah, yeah ... if you're a writer, you understand this. I've Googled my own name for as long as I can remember. Get over it. You just never know where the heck you'll find your writings.

My results led me to a rather surprising find: another blog with the same title! I'm pretty sure I searched high and low (or UP and Down, as you both like to mimic!) and never ran across such a title. Well, when I read through this blog, the first thing I read is that she read another woman's blog that involved letters to her daughters and she thought this was a good idea and so she started her own -- within the last month or so!

I wasn't sure how I felt about this, as I hadn't done anything to protect my name or writings, because I never thought what I had to say or write would be interesting enough to be stolen. Not that her content was the same, but she is also the mother of toddler twin daughters and so it was eerily similar. Yikes!

Not cool, lady, if you are reading. Create a new title for your blog! I know she didn't know better and was just genuinely trying to do something nice, but it's the whole creative license thing to consider. You could title it something like ... Dear Such and Such, or whatever.

The Da! and I discussed it and I decided to take matters into my own hands. You know me, I don't like to be held down by The Man, or The Woman, in this case.

So ... Announcing: www.letterstomydaughters.com! Check it in your subject line! Yup, I own a Web site domain. Righteous! Or, can I make up the word, Writeous!

Anyway, I also have protected the original content in this blog under a creative license, which can be found at the bottom of the site. Basically this means you can quote anything I write as long as you give me credit. This is just basic writing rules, but clearly not everyone understands this. If the other blogger had known this, she might have used my URL in her post when she talked about my blog. That is just a courtesy thing.

I'm excited to have my own URL, so this has been a fun, learning experience. Much like learning that going to Target with two fairly new walkers and only one cart that can strap a baby in is definitely not as enjoyable as going alone. But, still, worth doing and definitely fun!

Yummy Toddler Food Wednesdays

Dear J and L:

There you were, lying there, in the middle of the kitchen floor, snuggling both together and with your teddy bears.

Quiet. Still. Nothing more.

I grew concerned as the lunch hour grew closer and closer and as I fixed your meal in a much less panicked manner than usual and you were just laying there. Quiet.
None of the usual shirt tugging, leg hanging, pick-me-up whines. None of the fights over toys that inevitably occurs when you are so hungry. None of the crying fits that result in Mama dropping what I'm doing -- which only delays your meal longer -- so I can tend to your broken heart.

Cowering above you, I kept saying: "Are you OK?" 'This is not normal." "What's wrong?"

Having just spent a rocking time outside for about an hour, I knew that you had seemed healthy and fine then.

You just needed to be still -- nothing more. Just for five minutes. It started as a game, but I think you realized how nice it felt to just relax, to just let go for a bit.

Toward the end of that spell, some kicking at each other began and then some soft wrestling/hugs began.

And then you were up in a flash and normalcy kicked in. But, this time, I was ready. Your lunch was on the plate, just waiting for your little hands to dig in.

Here's our Yummy Wednesday Food -- just for toddlers.

I hope you give me some time today to make it. Just five minutes.

Nothing more.



Edited to add that this recipe was not a hit with the girls, though Lbyrd, who loves most veggies, did try a bite or two. Jbyrd used to try everything once or twice, but now that is out of the question. I usually re-try foods about a month apart, but I have to say that even I wasn't that thrilled about these. They were easy to put together, but the flour dredging was time consuming and messy. Not exactly easy work with two tots under feet.

You are talking!

Just not orally.

That should get your grandmothers worked up!

When you were just 10 months old, I started teaching you sign language. I had heard that some twins will have a language delay and so I was planning for that in case of an emergency. I had a book, a couple videos and my own knowledge thanks to my grandmother bringing me along to a sign language class when I was about 8 years old.

Milk was your first sign and super easy to learn. Since then, I taught you a few other essentials like "eat" and "cracker" and "more." Sometimes you get cracker and more a little mixed up, but I think we've discovered a way to make it work. Sometimes you'll sign milk when you just want something, period. Like to go outside.

I stopped teaching you most signs, but will do one here and there. Now, at nearly 16 months, you know how to sign the words: clothes, fish, hat, sleep, up and down, "all done" and probably some more that I can't even think of right now because there is so much commotion in my office right now (think The Da and think The Dog).

I do think that you, Jbyrd, have said a few words and both of you will mimick any sound I throw at you like cha, ba, shhha, ta, etc. You also do great gorilla, dog and fire truck noises.

Now, if we could just work on those sudden tempers that flare up so quickly that sign language didn't rise to the surface fast enough to let me know what you need.

When I don't know a sign, and it's not on the Videos, I just go to one of these two Web sites.

Still, as great as all this non-verbal communication, it will be really wonderful when you can finally tell me, "I'm hungry, Mama."

Break free of the gang, girls!

Dear girls,

There was a time, long ago, that I spent a great deal of time researching and learning about some pretty serious topics. One of those was street gangs. Oddly enough, that research has stuck in my head. I see the "newspapers of the streets" (some call it graffiti) every where and try to interpret it. I observe groups of young men all dressed head to toe in one color. I know their Mamas' didn't dress them that way.

Still, I have to laugh these days at the various unique communication going on between the two of you. It's subtle, and only you understand it.

J, you give a great hand sign (it is used as bye-bye) that involves your elbow up to your ear and your hand waving at the base of your chin. You give this sign, mainly, to the birds. I'm not sure what you are trying to tell them.

L, you speak in lingo we cannot even replicate. It goes much like this: Da-gaw, da-gaw, da-gaw, da-gaw. You simply do this around the clock, but especially when very upset or very happy. I'm not sure what you are trying to tell me.

What more will your baby gang of two provide as great entertainment for us?

How to photograph twin toddlers

 

Lucky for me, I have a set of gorgeous babies to take pictures of every day. Lucky for me, I am home to do it all day. Because, let me tell you, girlies, getting either one of you to stay still long enough for a photograph these days is pretty difficult.

Getting BOTH of you to stay still long enough in the same frame -- nearly impossible.

Alas, my tips for getting some memorable, photos of twin toddlers:

1. Patience is key. You must have the camera ready at all times for those perfect moments that arise when you least expect them. Plan all you want and you know how that will turn out: crabby, fussy, crying babies. Best times are just after a meal or when out and about.

2. Try and find one object they both like and will focus on long enough while you can take a few shots. Place that object on the floor between them. Colorful objects are best so that they look OK in the picture.

3. While they are finally sitting or standing in a decent frame, make as many silly noises as possible. Have something -- a favorite stuffed animal or toy -- to hold up so you can get them to look at you now and then.

4. Stand very close. As close as possible. This is hard with two quick-moving tots so you have to be ready to change position. When they break up, take that opportunity to take individual shots.

5. Use props like wagons, toddler chairs, steps and stoops to keep them contained.

6. Ask them questions that they are bound to answer: where is your tongue, for instance? Those can make great, fun photographs for the scrapbooks or albums.

For more great photo tips, check out the blog In the Trenches of Motherhood. She offers some great insight to photographs, in general.

Survival Gear Part II

Girls,

I know it's hard for you to share. I know it is. You see a toy/object/kitchen gadget/thingyoushouldn'ttouch and you just have to have it. The problem begins with the fact that there are two of you in the same mindset, with the same young toddler interests. Often, you only receive one toy as a gift and so sharing that toy is necessary.

Smack downs in the playroom are not necessary. Pulling each other over or down is not necessary. Some day you will understand the concept of taking turns. Some day. Sadly, until then, you will have to figure out how to manage when the other has what you want.

I am learning to step back during these brutal altercations, allowing you to figure it out on your own unless bodily injury is imminent. Other times, as you have learned, I will just take the toy/object/kitchen gadget/thingyoushouldn'ttouch away -- unless it's a door, like on the cabinets, entertainment stand, to the kitchen, etc. I don't know what to tell you when one of you wants to open the door and the other wants to shut it. I just hope fingers are out of the way on all accounts. Find another door, maybe. I am growing tired of telling you that doors are not toys. Neither are remote controls, but in the heat of the moment if they keep you happy, I allow you to play with those.

Still, I have to wonder what other twin parents, whose twins are older, have done in these circumstances so I have asked a wise SAHD this question and I eagerly anticipate his answer. Perhaps he can provide an answer to all of this twin drama we encounter so often throughout a day. Unless any of my other twin parent readers can chime in here .... ????

In the meantime, we have learned, together, that the best toys are not necessarily those bought from the store. Many can be found right here, in our home. Here's a small list that I have started along with my mom friends around the country whose twins are also around 15 months:

remote controls
all kitchen utensils/tools, including a turkey baster, measuring cups and spoons
a plastic cereal bowl and spoon for pretend eating or not-so-pretend throwing
pieces of fuzz or string found on the floor
dirty silverware from the dishwasher (um, nasty.)
junk mail, important mail, magazines (basically anything that ultimately caused the death of a tree)
full, unopened water bottles
empty boxes of any size (so cliche, I know)
DVD cases
dog food and water bowls
highlighters
hangers -- both plastic and metal (we will try these out soon!)
hair brushes

And, last but not least, clothing -- clean or dirty -- that can easily be worn, draped or dumped on the floor.

So, as you see, there is plenty to do around the house so the fact that we are stuck inside thanks to the weather is just fine! Really. Just fine. Not a problem at all ...