Monday, July 7, 2008

Let freedom ring

My brain is scattered; too scattered to write anything coherent, I assure you. We are busy and I am fine. There is too much happening; suddenly I can't find the brakes for this life.

One month.

One month.

One month.

It lives in my brain that way now. I have one month to do it all, to live it all, to be it all. I'm acting as if life ends in a month and I know it does not. That there will still be life. But it will be so different and the closer it gets the harder it is feeling.

Working will be so good for our family; day care will be so good for my girls. I know all of this and that is why I am eager. But, at the same time, I am full of so much other stuff.

What's making it harder -- and easier -- is that I'm planning a major event.

A road trip.

We are going to see Gigi in Georgie. Yes, we're going to take the girls to Georgia to see my mom, stepfather and brother, Tommy.

I'm so full of emotion about this trip. I do not say much on this blog about my mom, her move away, because it has been such a hard thing to deal with, especially as a new mother of twins. I have gone through all stages of grief, I guess, even the anger. Which, I"m sure, my mom would say lasted a very, very long time. I still get angry, just not at her so much.

After my last spell of this life is so hard, she pretty much demanded that we get down there, and fast. I agreed that getting out of this town, this house, this life is probably exactly what we need. What I need.

I need my mommy. I need her to cook for me, and hold my girls and give me a break. A real honest to goodness break. No one else can do this for us, and this is why it's been so hard.

So planning a road trip that will cover roughly 600 miles over two days is not easy. And, I dont' want to forget about the 600 miles on the return trip. So, I'm digging up every resource possible to make this "big ride" a success for all of us -- even The Overworked Husband who has been working two jobs at only the pay of one and who has been up for a promotion for three months only to learn last week that it will be a mystery for yet a fourth month. He, perhaps, deserves this vacation more than us. No, wait, he gets to eat two meals a day without two screaming toddlers who have discovered that they can spit out food and make each other laugh. At. Every. Single. Meal.

This post is rambling, I know. That's my point. I'm full of life and emotion and happiness and joy and sadness and worry and ideas.

Over the last two weeks, you all have been such amazing friends.

From Bella, who I met in person last month and who is much more than you'd ever know, who never fails to cheer me up even when she's the one who really needs cheered. I love you, Bella.

To Katherine, who I think is one of the most amazing artists I've ever come across, because she created this, I fell in love with it and she sent it to me all the way from her studio in New Zealand. I cannot wait to hang it up (both of them. : )

To Karen and her daughter Georgia (Gigi) for parting ways with a couple years' worth of Baby Bug Magazines that, I swear, has filled our days the last week. We've read these great magazines at the park, in restaurants, in the car, in the stroller and before bed.

And, Susana, a great neighbour up there in Canada who sent me a fabulous relaxation CD and a beach ball that actually does entertain my sweet bundles of energy for a couple minutes at a time. She isn't blogging anymore, but her blog is still worth reading for inspiration on how to truly live every single day.

It's been hard not having my mom around, but I have done it but not without all of you. This crazy life is so much more amazing thanks to my blogging girlfriends.

Now, the rascals are screaming from their beds ... nap time blogging at it's best.



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14 comments:

Karen Maezen Miller said...

Gigi to the rescue! Everything is coming up Georgia! Road trips rule!
Life always starts over in One Month!

Wendy said...

oh i'm so jealous...i wish we were going on a pilgrimage to see mae and georgia too.


i wish you lived next door...

sigh, i'll have 45 candles on my birthday cake this year so I'll keep wishing.

xo

JOLLY ROGER said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Momma Bean said...

Oh, I'm so glad that you will be seeing your mom soon! I am lucky enough to be only four miles from mine, and I don't know what I would do without her. I hope that you enjoy your trip...even the two days it takes to get there. You never know. The girls may surprise you! Mine did on our plane rides in April.

And...meal time? Don't. Get. Me. Started. :(

Shelli said...

I know this must be a crazy time for you thinking about going back to work! I'm glad to hear you're coming to Georgia. I hope that the road trip goes well - my little one surprised us on our road trip recently and did really well! Enjoy being with your mom. Forget about the future for a while.

Prepare for some hot, humid weather, though.

Jena Strong said...

Shawn, you full-of-life mama. I love this post. May the open road bring you many happy roadside diners and mile-high pies.

With love from your Vermont village connection.

Carey said...

Enjoy your break! We too will be here waiting when you get back. :)

amy turn sharp of doobleh-vay said...

I added you to my reader today xoxoxo
Am happy to have found ya!

Threeundertwo said...

I know just what you mean when you say you can't find the brakes. Until you start that new job and see what your life is like it's a hard waiting game. Kids never make things easier, do they?

I hope blogging about your emotions helps. I really enjoyed reading this post.

bella said...

Catching up on my reading.
So it is in one month.
ONE MONTH!
How did this happen, so fast, so soon?
I can only imagine how it all feels now, such a tumble, so ready and yet wanting to fit so much into this last month.
Road trip sounds perfect!
I hope you have a wonderful time.
I love you my dear,
Bella

LauraC said...

I can not wait to hear how the trip goes... so very much deserved! I hope you find the rejuvenation you need! Don't remember where you are, but if you're passing through NC on your way to GA and need anything, just give a shout.

mapelba said...

Well, there is not around and there is not around. Enjoy this trip--and good luck with it too!

workout mommy said...

I so understand the need to have your own mommy. Have a great trip--and if you are passing thru the DC area, feel free to stop in and say "HI!!"

RocketMom Cheryl said...

Hooray for visiting mommy! It has been awesome being closer to my folks these past few months. Just the ability to focus on one child at a time is liberating.