Sunday, October 26, 2008

Gathering splinters

I've talked a lot about how in just about any life, one can work writing into their lives. I've even talked a lot about how motherhood is the one thing that has gotten in my way.

Well, I take it all back.

Kids have gotten in my way. Kids have blocked my writing.

I can pinpoint the start of this nasty season to the third week of July. It was hot and we were preparing for our road trip to GA.

Jadyn got up one day from her nap and met me in at the computer. She had escaped her crib.

It's been over ever since.

We moved them that week to beds.

What used to be 7 a.m.ish risings around here, quickly turned into 6 a.m. risings, then 5:30 risings ... and I've been a mess ever since.

There is no break. No downtime. I used to at least have the mornings and evenings, but even getting them to bed has been nearly impossible before 8:15, at the earliest, and then I just

want

to

crash

to

sleep.

I've never been more tired in my life than I am right now. I dream of all the great things I can finally do for myself: paint my nails, soak my feet, read magazines, finally scrapbook, write, drink wine, watch TV ...

And yet none of it happens.

That's why I'm not blogging. Not because I'm working, but because the home life has been so tough ever since Jadyn and Liana got a bit of freedom.

Today is the first day I can think of where they are awake and staying in their room to talk and play!!!! It's a miracle. I could do this. I could be this mother. Not the one that is surprised awake too early or rushed out of the shower. I can live this life, that leaves me even just a few minutes of space to breath, relax my shoulders away from my ears and let my mind wonder.

The sibling battles have been tense, mostly for me. One or the other (mostly one) is never happy with anything: That frustrates me because I am, still, so emotionally invested in their well-being but also because their happy state usually means I can relax and let down a bit. It's just so rare now that I have become tense and grumpy and full of venom.

All of that isn't much fun to write about, let alone blog about.

So while I've found my groove as a working mother, I'm gathering many splinters in the process. And, their sticking to my skin like never before.





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13 comments:

InTheFastLane said...

I have that problem too, that by the time the kids are in bed, I want to be too. There is very little downtime.

LauraC said...

Oh my, I know this pain very well. We finally resorted to separating them at naptime bc of how crazy they are when they are napping together with no cribs to contain them.

We use doorknob covers on the inside of the door so they can not get out. And it probably sounds mean, but I will turn the lock around when they can open the door. They may wake up at 5:30 but since they know they can not get out of the room, they happily play in their beds.

Oh yeah, we also had a video monitor and had to watch them for months to teach them to STAY in bed. Now they know they are not allowed out of bed unless someone goes to get them.

I hate to say this out loud, but after dealing with them out of cribs and in beds for a year, potty training actually doesn't seem that bad to me.

kisatrtle said...

I feel your pain and unfortunately I don't have much advise. I like the doornob idea above...is it wrong to implement that on my almost 10 year olds door?

Shannon said...

Oh, no. We were just talking about this yesterday, how we really should get them beds when they turn three but how terrified I am of the idea. Jayden was waking up 4-5 times a night just a month ago, calling "Mommy, Jayden all done sleeping!) That's stopped, but what if it starts again and there's no bars, nothing keeping him from getting out?
Right now I'm just enjoying the peace until one of them decides to climb out. Hopefully I have a few more years...lol
I do feel so so bad for you right now!

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Things definitely got more difficult for us when the kids moved from cribs to beds. I am finding that now that they are 5 and 7, they are finally really entertaining each other. Yesterday morning, they played in their room for half an hour before they woke me up and then played together until lunchtime. I'm still exhausted though -- catching up from 7 years of sleep deprivation!

justagirl said...

Both of my children have been the cause of two very deep wrinkles on my face from getting up many times in the night and early mornings... the scars of motherhood.

am thinking of you... : )

village mama said...

Thinking of you. XO

Jaina said...

Sending you virtual tweezers. ;) I hope you get some much deserved and much needed rest.

Shelli said...

Sending you a virtual hug.

Shelli said...

Sending you a virtual hug.

Shelli said...

Darn. Sorry for the duplicate.

Jena Strong said...

Sending you a virtual hug - and I'm not even Shelli :)

writermeeg said...

another hug from me, bone tired from my same-aged one tantrumming at my nauseous pregnant self all day. but i only have one! extra hug for you. and another one for good measure...