The Great Balancing Act, by Yours Truly

Before becoming a stay-at-home mama last November, I researched the idea pretty extensively. I talked to as many friends as I could who knew the stay-at-home routine well and who I knew would give me honest answers. I could see the worry in their eyes when I told them that I was considering the change. I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

When the decision was finalized, I made to-do lists for everything to avoid being, you know, "bored" -- because I thought life raising twin toddlers was going to leave me feeling, hum-drum.

As it turns out, that autumnal November day also turned me into a work-at-home mama. Since I had spent many years writing for full-time for daily newspapers, freelance writing came easy for me. It was also something I had been dabbling in while working full-time.

What I didn't realize is exactly how busy I would become. Rejecting assignments was difficult when we needed all the extra cash we could get. I was lucky to have so much work. But doing it all became an obsession. And, on top of that, I had started this blog, which rapidly become an addiction.

Mix the two, and here's what you get: waking at the crack of dawn to get prepared for the day and write a blog post, writing and making calls during each morning and afternoon nap, and then returning to it all as soon as bedtime routine was finished ... it was a constant cycle. Two Fridays ago, I gladly turned in my last assignments, hoping for a break, for some peace of mind.

What I got, instead, was a big fat bowl of depression. I'd rarely experienced such lows and, therefore, I worried myself, worried that my chosen life as a Mom, in general, was too much for me. The low moods didn't strike when my beautiful, silly girls were in my presence, but rather during their naps and at bedtime -- times I would have normally been working hard on writing projects.

In fact, I had too much time to think about what I didn't have, mainly close family members to visit and help me entertain my babies. Had I been too busy writing that I neglected someone? Was my time at the computer screen all that I had? Granted, we got out of the house, we went walking, went to the park (imagine that?), went to the store. Life did keep going for us. But, was it enough? Did I need more than that? Where were my friends? And, my low writing self-esteem reared its ugly head as well. That's another post for another day.

I realized this week that I need to be busy. I need to have lots of work to do. I need each day to be filled to the brim.

So I was so happy to learn yesterday that I will be blogging twice a week for a local regional parenting publication starting next week, that another publication asked me to take on another assignment, and that one more story came my way. I'll be busy, but I'll be happier.

Writing and storytelling has always been my outlet. I had forgotten what it means to let that go. Now, I know and will appreciate the Great Balancing Act better this time around.

What keeps you sane? What do you need in order to keep your spirits high? What motivates you to keep going? What's your creative outlet? If you blog about this topic, please link back to me and let me know. If you are new here, introduce yourself and leave a comment. If you've been lurking, come out of the shadows and say hello.