Sunday, September 14, 2008

It's almost 9 p.m. ...

And this is the first real chance I've had at blogging in an entire week.

I'd like to detail how I went at it with the director of my girls child care center this week, or how we had painters in to paint the kitchen and hall and they sanded the walls and ceilings -- twice -- and we've spent the better part of the last 48 hours, cleaning everything from dishes and glasses to floors and windows.

I'd love to fill you in on how the days away from the girls, while still hard, are getting to be physically easier. I'd love to say that I love my job and I can't imagine returning to life as a SAHM ... but I can't. I just can't.

I'd love to say that working is easier, but it's not. It's so not. I can't think of the last five minutes I had to myself. I miss the quiet. Meditation may save me ...

The truth is that I feel less fulfilled about this life than I wish I did. I am going through the motions, knowing it's right for our family and that this "preschool" setting is good for my girls and that, ultimately, I hope I am doing the right thing for myself. This week I have an event with our governor and while that's cool, I'm too insecure and worried about what to wear (it's a groundbreaking ceremony so it must be ... dirt-friendly).

Honestly, being back in the working world has reminded me of one very harsh reality that I had forgotten over the last two years: That real life people are inefficient, average and often rather annoying.

My little third-floor attic office and work-at-home schedule -- though demanding -- and blogging and communicating with my best friends by e-mail put me in a bubble that erased this fact from my memory. I was the boss, and I didn't have to rely on too many people -- at least not for much more than a 20-minute interview.

Now I'm left to realize that we're all human and that human sometimes isn't even close to being perfect -- or even average -- in real life.

I blame all of you for appearing so perfect to me, for making me believe in humanity again.

Darn you!


Shannon said...

Well, you know it's easy to appear to have it all under control when you can spell check and edit. :-)

Sounds like a tough week...sanding in the kitchen without covering anything? Why would they do that? Sigh.

Crossing my fingers and toes for an easier time this week.
(The girls look happy in this pic)

Jena Strong said...

You hit the nail on the head, though! This blogging world DOES make everyone seem perfect, if we all become fantasies and projections. Here's to the real. Which is all of it, including this comment, this friend.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I started living in an insulated bubble since college, when I found a group of smart, caring, funny friends. I came back to reality when I entered the work world. Blogging is a lot like college -- surrounded by smart, thoughtful folks with only occasional incursions into the rest of the world's crazy. I don't really want to graduate and get a job this time though. ;)

Jaina said...

:-/ I sure hope it gets a bit easier for you.

kisatrtle said...

This may be my favorite line of all time...."That real life people are inefficient, average and often rather annoying"... wow did you sum up my day.

Threeundertwo said...

Darn that real world!

Give it all some time.

patricia dolan said...

You're doing a great job! Remember this isn't a 'one size fit all' situation. You're entitled to revise your plans if you need to. Life is made up of moments and memories where we 'pencil erase' what doesn't work us or cross out what we thought fit and just doesn't. The Governor should be excited to meet you. Remember it is just a title, we're all flesh and soul. I'm cheering for you! If you ever want to speak here's my home email

Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

This reminds me of my post about "don't burst my bubble", how we're all living in our own bubbles, or have little pockets of life that once we're outside of said pocket, we feel isolated and vulnerable.

I'm still rooting for you. I admire the fact that you're trying to balance work and home. When my twins were your twins' age, I don't think I could have done it.