Sunday, January 4, 2009

Transitions and drama

Later this week, Jadyn and Liana will turn three.

They've been three for a while already with their demands and wants and emotional dramatics. At least that's what I've been telling myself, hoping that this phase will end.

While I've been busy being their Mama, I couldn't help finally take some time to reflect on last year and what it meant to me. On one hand, it was crazy dealing with two little girls. On the other, I did manage to meet some goals and accomplish something other than a diaper change.

(Potty training was NOT one of those accomplishments, unfortunately).

In fact, if you look at my list of goals for 2008, I think I did OK. The truth is that once I was published in a national glossy magazine -- and then two more -- I felt I had reached a true milestone. I also doubled by freelance income for the third year in a row.

And then I took a job I knew little about and the story has changed dramatically.

I've been thinking about that decision I made and wondering if it was the best for me.

I'm not sure. There's parts of the job that fit me well; there are others that leave me unsettled. For one, I am not the star and never would be. That's hard for me to admit, but it is true. It's hard to aspire to be your best when often you're just an afterthought.

Still, I like it enough and the boss is cool. I think I'll be able to rebound this week with a yet another evolved MamaWriter, someone who knows that writing is her truest path. That is what I have to do and even when I have other things to do.

I didn't write 2,000 words a month let alone a week last year. I didn't produce an ezine. I didn't send out one query for my novel. I didn't even finish my novel. Though, I did get an agent interested in reading it. Shame on me for not staying up late at night to finish it.

When I'm ready, I'll do it. When it's in me, I'll exhale it out.

For now, I'm still Mama to two very sweet, very demanding little girls who couldn't care less if their Mommy writes a book or not.

So long as I read them a book, it's all good.

And, really, that's enough for me.

Most of the time.

Thank you for visiting today.

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Anonymous said...

"Thank you for visiting today." Sometimes that is all there is to say, and all that can be said.

(Just giving credit here. I'm very proud of you, because although you might not remember it, you singlehandedly resolved one of the greatest anxieties dogging you for the last few years.)

Shawn said...

Just a guess here, Maezen, but I'm thinking you mean my goal of just being happy with what I have now. : )

If that's not it, you've stumped me.

Thank you!!

Anonymous said...

Well, that's the priceless one. I was being more pragmatic: m-o-n-e-y.

Jaina said...

Happy New Year!