Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Who have I become?

The question that keeps baffling my my mind these days is who have I become? I'm different in so many senses of the word now that I'm a mom. I have clarity. I see things in order -- in black and white. I'm less worried about the middle, the gray. I know exactly what I need on my shelves and what I do not.

Like an x-ray, I can see exactly what's inside me -- the good, and the bad. In one fell swoop I can honestly say my patience is good, and yet my temper is bad.

Yet, the me I've become is so much more than all of that. I'm evolving. I'm a woman on a mission every single day. Don't get in my way. If you don't smile at me when I'm walking, pffft. I no longer care.

I don't live and breathe for what others think anymore. I'm offended by people who work too much, and spend little time with their children.

I can see now that I've made mistakes, that I've pushed for things that were bad decisions, and that now it's time to right the wrongs.

I used to think it was funny that people walked past my house and used profanity every other word. Now, I want to hurt them for taking away my right to teach my daughters bad words.

I used to think that our neighborhood was perfect because of its crazy social dimensions, and now it's those same dimensions that I detest.

I used to care more about the news, the media, quality journalism than anything on the planet. I worked 10-hour days just like The Da! Now, I can't keep up with the headlines, and think it's a sign of our times that journalists sit around creating stories designed to make us less afraid of things we shouldn't even be afraid of in the first place -- like bed bugs. I mean us -- moms like me, and you.

The core of me is still the same. I'm still a liberal everything, a bleeding heart. But, I'm conservative now, too. By that, I mean, I'm strict with my time -- what I read, who I converse with, where I spend my money and how I spend my evenings and weekends.

I'm different.

I'm a mom now.


bella said...

Well said!

Shannon said...

Becoming a mom doesn't change much...just everything. :-)

Sophia said...

My name is HyeJi Kim and I am currently a student at the George Washington University. As part of a university writing class that I am enrolled in, we are to choose one blog to track and follow up on during the semester. My writing class is regarding women's autobiography and because blogs are a form of autobiographies, we have an assignment to track and reflect upon a blog that we choose. As I was searching for blogs written by women, I came across yours and thought that it would be very interesting to track throughout the semester. So I was wondering if I could have your permission to keep up on your blog and discuss your blogs within my class. Thank yoU!

BOSSY said...

Bossy wants to be you when she grows up.

Butterfly Girl said...

Becoming a mom changed everything for me as well. I too am more conscious about who I let around my kids and what we do as a family.

By the way the writing challenge was a great idea. It's been fun reading what others "someday" are.

Momma Bean said...

I really don't think I was ME until I became a mom. All the things you have written are things that I have felt in the past two years. It's like I am finally awake and more aware of things than ever before, and at the same time completely clueless to the world around me, wrapped in a cocoon of me and my girls.