Sunday, January 20, 2008

Anchored to the earth

The air was so cold this morning that when the wind caught my face I lost my breath for a bit. The breeze stung against my cheeks. My thoughts froze in the moment as I waited for the air to fill back up through my lungs and not hurt.

The sting, though, felt good after a weekend of feeling helpless. First, my own illness that left me dead to the world, and, heartbreakingly, to my daughters. Then, one of them, too, got swept away in a virus that holds no punches.

Her little face pale, her eyes drooped. She'd lift her head to watch her silly sister or crazy father, only to quickly lay it back down again on my chest or my shoulder or my stomach. She'd twitch and turn and flop to get comfortable and then do it all over again in a minute.

I lay anchored to the earth beneath me, praying for her comfort, praying for my stillness to soothe her, praying for my ability to move freely again some day.

She cried. She moaned. She wrestled with the pains of the fever, she tried to take cover from the fierce, animal-like cough that belted out of her little body, and she grew angry at each sliver of fluid that dripped from her nose.

She broke my heart a million times in two days that put playing and food and drink aside to just lay with her Mama.

Tomorrow, dear girl -- tomorrow will be better.

It has to be.

Thank you for visiting today.

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Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I'm just catching up on your blog after our own weekend (plus) of sickness. There is just nothing worse than seeing our children in pain. I got the virus after my kids, and ours came with terrible stomach cramps. I kept thinking during the cramping phase that this was the pain each of my kids had gone through, and it made me so sad. I wish I could have done those stomach cramps for them.

RocketMom said...

Wishing comfort and healing for all of you. Tomorrow will be better.

Jena Strong said...

This is heartbreaking and beautiful to read - and I'm wishing you all speedy recoveries.

xo Jena

village mama said...

Wishing you, the mighty mama, strength and inner peace. Wishing your baby girl a lightning fast recovery.

Anonymous said...

We just ride, we just ride the waves. Tender words of yours.

Shannon said...

Ahh, your weekend sounds like ours with the boys and the croup. "Just lay with their Mama", heartbreaking for them but such a great job, this cuddling sick babies thing :-) Hope yours are feeling lots better.

tlc said...
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tlc said...
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tlc said...

Okay...I messed up on a word and tried to fix it, deleted the other post containing the correction to the word "eloquent" in which I was describing how you wrote about the two of you being sick. The gist of this comment is that I hope that you both are back to good times very soon! Sorry I took so long to say just that little's monday!

Shelli said...

I hate being sick, and I hate watching my little one be sick even more. I do hope everyone in your house becomes healthy again very soon.