Monday, January 28, 2008

Me Time -- Part Deux

When I was in high school, I knew I would go to college. I didn't know how. I didn't know where. I just knew it was for me. No one else in my family has graduated from college to this day.

It was in me.

With some help from tuition assistance from the university where my mom worked, I was able to work and save up for my first semester of on-campus life and worked to pay the bills the rest of my college years as well. It was not easy juggling late night bar tending and waitressing jobs while rising early for 8 a.m. classes and pulling all-nighters writing papers for college courses. But, I did it.

It was in me.

When I graduated, my dream was to write for magazines. I've mentioned before how that life took a turn, and that recently I've gotten back on path.

It was in me.

Each day I look for new ways to find that "something" that is in Jadyn and Liana. I see how Jadyn is careful and meticulous and Liana is wild and crazy in their scribbles.

As they develop and become more eager for activities -- and we do many in our house -- I see the role that I've longed to have as a mother -- their teacher, their guide, their inspiration.

Sure, they may see me as just a mom. They may never understand why I climb two flights of stairs to sit at a computer for hours. It is no coincidence that the very month that I became a stay-at-home mother, I also became a freelance writer. It was intentional. It was planned -- though not directly. I had to be something more.

It was in me.

But, the truth is, writing -- working -- is my Me Time. I dream of nothing more other than my husband and children. It sustains me. It guides me. It inspires me. It moves me.

It's in me.

What's in you?


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10 comments:

bella said...

What is in me?
Today it is the sound of Leo's footstep pounding down the hall, the knowing that I'm turning a corner, the thrill of just being here.

Karen said...

Glad to see that you're not separate.

Jena Strong said...

What a beautiful post, Shawn. So fulfilled, complete. Thank you.

She She said...

I've been thinking about just this subject lately. I think we're similar in this way: somehow, we shouldn't be where are now, but there was something in us that brought us here. Lovely post. Thanks.

village mama said...

How amazingly written Shawn.

Becoming a wife, a mother has made me a fuller being. What's in me now is the honour, pride, love and mindful living that is family life.

Shannon said...

You are so right. When my daughter was out of school last week and the boys went down for their nap, I kicked her off the computer. She was IM'ing and I saw her type "I have to go, my mom needs to write and balance her chi"
Out of the mouths of babes, lol.

Shelli said...

Yes, yes, you got it. I feel the same way. And believe me, YOU will never be JUST a mom!

ONEDIA said...

These days, I write what is in me mostly but I also photograph, paint, knit, bend, twist, fire, and polish what is in me. And what could be better.

O.

marta said...

In me? The ability to get back on my feet. Thanks for this post. You inspired me to write my own me-time thoughts.

And I agree with Shelli--you're not just a mom.

lesleysmeshly said...

Beautiful post.

I wouldn't trade staying home with my babies for the world...but like you, I need something that is mine. Photography is all mine. The beauty of it, editing, capturing every wonderful moment for other mothers like me. Photography is my passion and if I didn't make the choice to stay at home with the babies it would have always sat on the backburner as a hobby, now it is becoming my profession.