Tuesday, April 29, 2008

WWYD? URGENT

What if after more than a year of being at home, being just a little more than just a mom and someone – no, not just someone – a very important someone called upon you for a very big job?

What if the mere thought of leaving your daughters made you sick to your stomach, and yet the job is enticing and interesting and perfect enough to get your mind racing about it?

Could you imagine dropping your daughters off at day care, wondering about their day and picking them back up only to have a couple hours before bed to spend time with them?

Would evenings and weekends – and some holidays – be enough?

Does the sound of your own high heels clicking on the tile floors excite you or make you cringe?

And skirts? You hate skirts, right? Especially after day after day in sweatpants and T-shirts, right?

Why on earth do you need the money anyway? You’re fine living just above the line on one-income.

It’s just money, right? And most of that would go to day care, yes?

What would your daughters want from you? What is best for them? To be stuck at home some days of the week with their crazy mommy asking them to do crazy art projects yet again? Or, playing and learning to socialize and get along with other kids every day of the week?

What would they want? What do they need right now -- to play and learn, right. Wouldn't they like to do that with friends?

Do you think they can learn as well from someone else?

Would they understand why you are suddenly leaving them every day?

Can you imagine leaving the one that cries for you when you only leave the room let alone for an entire day, for an entire week for weeks on end? Would she eventually stop crying for me?

What if it's for a job that could change lives? What if it's for a job that puts nothing above serving and caring for fellow human beings?

Dear Counsel of the Internets: WWYD?

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10 comments:

Karen said...

WWID? Take it one step at a time. Go to meet and talk about it. Listen to what they say. Resist the temptation to figure out what it means, what is best, what will happen, and all that. Just do the next thing. The decision will make itself when it's time.

Isn't it wonderful to be wanted?

marta said...

Well, I work and leave my son at daycare five days a week. He still clings in the mornings, but in the afternoons, he doesn't want to leave.

Your children will be fine whatever you do. You can love them and work. Or stay home.

Either way will drive you crazy for one reason or another, but it will be okay in the end.

LauraC said...

I think the decision is up to you and your family. Only you can decide what is best for your situation.

I love seeing what my boys learn every day at day care. They come home with art projects, songs, new words, friends, and stories. Since my time with them is limited, I focus 100% on them when they are with me. Almost all the time we spend together is quality time. To me, the quantity of time is not as important as the quality of time.

When they are home, I don't spend time on the phone, time on the internet, watch tv, nothing. Those are my hours with my boys and they are the best hours of my day.

One other benefit of group care is my boys get to act out other relationships with kids their age. Nate has a chance to dominate other children. Alex has a chance to be dominated. Nate listens to other kids speak. Alex gets a chance to talk. I think this is vitally important for twins.

But your heart will tell you what is right for YOU.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I just want to second what all your wise readers have said already...

No need to decide anything right now. It's ok to explore and get more information and decide later.

Your heart will tell you what's right for you. Did you feel like there was an answer you were hoping to hear from us? Either that it would be ok or that it wasn't worth it? If so, that can be an indication of which way your heart is pulling.

And if Mama's happy everyone's happy -- your kids will be fine either way.

And I'd add that if at any time you're not happy with the way things are going, you can always make changes.

Shannon said...

So much wisdom here! I have to agree most with just taking the next step, gathering more information. Make a list of pros and cons that matter to you and your family. And sleep on it, our brains work out problems for us in our sleep.

I will tell you one thing my pediatrician said, she said as a working mother, she has so much more patience with her kids when she gets home because the time has become important and she hasn't been frazzled by them all day. There's something to put on your pros list. :-)

Okay, with that out of the way....I'm chomping at the bit here, what job???!!!!!

Patricia said...

You have some wise advice already but I'd also add to see if you can adjust the hours or workdays so that you can maximize the time with your kids and still do the wonderful work! If you are so perfect for the job then they may be willing to adjust the job to suit you!!! Ask - all they can do is say no...

Sadia said...

What would I do if I'd chosen to stay home, and an opportunity to work came up? I don't know.

What I did do was return to work when my twins were 11 weeks old (4 weeks corrected age). As Laura said, I relish every moment I get with them. At the same time, I love that they learn so much at school that I wouldn't think to expose them to. It would never occur to me to have 2-year-olds make and fly kites!

For my twins, daycare has been an excellent fit, since it lets them explore relationships with other children their age. Of course, if I'd chosen to stay home, they would have spent more time with the kids their age in our neighbourhood.

I know that I am more patient a mother when I am working full-time than if I didn't work. But that's what works for me. You're the one who knows what is best for you and your family.

village mama said...

I learnt a lot from reading the comments; wise and loving village you've surrounded yourself with Shawn.

My two rusty and loving cents:
Listen to your gut; try to see the situation from your 90 year old self.

bella said...

I have never been a "full time" mom, so I really can't say. Leo has always spent some part of his day/week with a sitter, his Auntie, at day care and now preschool.
And it works for us.
I agree with others have said, that no decision must be made immediately.
I would also add, that no decision is permanent. You can do this and always change your mind and return to be at home with the girls more, if that is what is needed. Sometimes I thionk there is much more freedom than we really allow ourselves.
Let us know how this unfolds!

ONEDIA HAYES SYLVEST said...

no hesitation go straight for the job. If you want to ask an adult how she copped with a mother who worked long hours at a demanding career often with no parent partner just ask lalla lydia at her blog.

As for me , I missed a lot, but I also gave her a lot. If I had n ot worked (even after I remarried) I could not have given Lydia violin lessons, a violin, French camp, an exchange year in France.. All of which were things that enriched her education and helped her achive her own goals.

Also, she knew I needed to be doing something that was meaning full to me.

So, I say again, go straight for it.
just owo