Guns and fairly tales

Dear girls,

Now and then, discussion erupts on this here Internets (as our president has called the World Wide Web) about children and their choice of imaginary play. I am intrigued about this debate. This week, especially, the issue is in the news due to the tragic loss of 33 lives at Virginia Tech thanks to a young man with guns who realized that there was no such thing as Happily Ever After for him.

Some say that boys like violent play -- that they need this sort of play. As discussed in the comments on a post about Boys and Play on Mother Talkers, a fabulous blog, and in this article.

Some say that girls still prefer fantasy saved-by-a-man play. For all of us devout feminists, this is almost as hard to swallow as boys playing with guns. A guest blogger at Wonderland shares her story and some news about this article from last year.

I’ve already been thinking about all of this, purposely encouraging you to play with trucks instead of dolls. Already knowing that anything that even resembles a gun will not end up in our toy box for very long.

I do not want to coerce your style of play and I won't.

I was an only child for all of my childhood years and so I was drawn to imaginary play of all kinds -- school, house, etc. But, my favorite was with my friend from birth, Mary Anne. She and I fondly played superwoman both at my house and her farm. This kind of play landed me in a big pit of manure, once, too. But, that’s another story for another time. Or, maybe not.

Mary Anne had powers of the eyes, I think. And, I had powers of the ears. Or perhaps it was the other way around. Either way, we weren’t easily taken down by our imaginary villains. We built forts in the woods, too.

This does not mean I did not play with dolls. Your great-grandmother stood in line for hours early in the morning to snag me an ever-so-popular Cabbage Patch doll. I still have her; she’s in the attic awaiting your calls. I also played with Barbies. Those, too, are here for you. Should you decide. They are no where near perfect condition. I played with them often.

As much as I don’t want to influence your mind, I have to object to toy guns and knives – or anything else that is designed intentionally to hurt or kill. I can do my best to raise two strong, independent women who are also pacifists.

This does not mean that I would stop you from pretending that other objects are guns or knives or if you choose to have a shootout among yourselves with your fingers shaped like guns. Pretend all you want, my dears. The imaginary world is amazing. I just prefer that you stick to your invincable super powers to take down the evildoers. Or, even better, try and talk it out.

This is a funny thought to you right now, I know, because you take to pulling and pushing each other, slapping at each other when you get frustrated over the loss of a toy or being left out of the fun.

Mostly what I want to teach you is that real life stories don't always end with Happily Ever After. But, violence certainly does end whatever chance you -- or anyone else in our world -- might have to find your Happily Ever After, whatever that ends up being. And it may take some time to find that kind of happiness within yourself.

What do the rest of you think? Are you in the camp of helping shape your child’s play, or not? Will you allow toy guns, baby dolls or readings of "Sleeping Beauty?"