Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Moments in time

Dear Jadyn and Liana,

Perfection is not something I strive for. It's more that I aim for satisfaction, contentment or peace, like a river on a calm, windless day. There are waves, yes, but they are small, relatively unnoticed as we float up and down on the current.

Our days go so fast now. I still take notice around 3 p.m. that I have another three hours to go on my own, but we're so busy I don't have time to count down after that.

We've had some glowing, amazing moments lately. Soon you will turn 19 months. It's no wonder. I just brought myself to tears looking back at some of your baby pictures. BABY pictures. You have turned into little girls. Silly, giggling, energetic girls.

I write less letters, and take less pictures these days, I know. It's not because I don't want to write, it's because what we've been experiencing lately is indescribable.

For example, yesterday at breakfast (or lunch or dinner) this is what happened:

We started out eating our meal. Jadyn, who is starving, ate well. Liana, who is either too hungry to not hungry at all, takes a few bites and then closes her eyes, grabs her bib, yanks it off and starts sobbing with her mouth wide open. Eyes still closed, little to no tears fall down her cheeks. As soon as I take her plate and tray away, she cries more to get out of the chair. Once down, she's fine.

Jadyn, you usually just eat through your sister's dramatics. When you are done, though, you yank off your bib as well, which sometimes results in carrots hitting my face as you pull it out from between your belly and the tray.

But, it's not all crying. Well, mostly it is these days. It's a lot like the first year, too, because I rarely understand what the cries are for anymore.

The two of you played a fun game of tug o' war, with an exercise mat. It was all fun and games until Liana lost her grip, the mat fell to the floor and Jadyn sat on it. Angry Liana lost it -- collapsed on the floor, and sobbed. Jadyn, clearly doing this passive act to annoy your sister, gets up, and the game resumes. Until ... Liana loses her grip again, Jadyn sits, Liana collapses, etc. This went on for several more times before I had to intervene and take the mat away.

But, later, after dinner when we have begun dancing and music time, you both did something that nearly sent me shouting down the street.

You held hands and acted out Ring Around the Rosie. To see you both holding hands, and working together in such a special way as little girls, truly sent my heart spinning.

It was also nice that I could just sit back and watch something fun happen for once.

Our days are so full of ups and downs right now. When one of us is up, surely another one will bring us down. Sometimes it's me. Sometimes it's you. Often, it's a toy or something that isn't a toy but you think it should be, like DVDs, tissues or the CD player.

When we're really lucky, all three of us are high as a kite silly, dancing around, making silly noises, experiencing pure bliss.

And, those moments are perfect.


Shannon said...

This seriously sounds like a day at my house! T. was doing the same thing at meal-time and I figured out it was his back teeth coming in...painful. He also does the same passive-irritating his brother thing. In the car, he'll reach over and put his hand on J.'s carseat just to irritate him. Of course, J. bites his finger then T. get's to cry. We tried interveening, but this weekend we just let them fight it out and by the third time T. got bit, he stopped doing it. Hopefully for good but I'm not sure how long their memory is!
But, as you say, the sweet moments make up for it.

InTheFastLane said...

These paradoxical moments will continue, but in the end, the good seem to outweigh the bad (at least until they are teenagers :))